This last Christmas was the best I have had in a long time. Its still hard to believe that we were all together.
I intended to write about all the crazy people in my family. The realization that the topic was boring was enough to stop me. So I decided to go with the flow. The first topic I would like to address is a bad analogy that has been kicking around for too long. I am sure you have often heard things being compared with onions. “You never really know with ______, it is like an onion. You think you know what is going on, but then you discover another layer.”
It seems that when this person cuts up an onion the fact that it is an onion all the way through is a surprise. You are probably smart enough to realize, that onions do not have seeds or pits, and thus are made entirely out of onion. So when an otherwise competent person is “surprised” to find another layer of onion, I find it seem incredible. It is only likely if you have never cut open an onion. If this were case the whole thing might be amazing. Almost everything is at least mildly interesting for a little while! I would personally think the fact that the onion can make you cry is more stupefying than the ever smaller layers of onion. I think the old cannibal saying is better, “onions are like people, they can make you cry, but they taste great chopped up in a stew.” Another better analogy is this. “________ is like the layers of the earth. Just when you think you are digging through basalt, all of a sudden you see some schist!” At least with the soil, you actually do not know what is down there, unlike an onion. All you will ever find inside a layer of onion, is a smaller onion. Nothing more. Sorry to ruin this saying. It had to be done.
Thusly, I have severe personality issues and phobias.
I have no idea where I was going with that, but it is a decent segue into talking about my intentions. I had a great plan for today. It entailed posting a Craigslist ad in Nashville trying to find cool people to hang out with. It seemed like it would be a worthy adventure. Instead I find myself at home, explaining why I did not achieve my other goal. Other goal? Yes, I also intended on writing an account of my adventures in Kumamoto Japan playing country music with Japanese cowboys. So instead of regaling you with stories about civil war rifles, parades, and the castle where the true last samurai battle occurred, I am going to resort to digging up some other whipping boys, and half-heartedly giving it a go.
